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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24382093">From A Monster's Perspective</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Angel_Star/pseuds/Angel_Star'>Angel_Star</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Steven Universe (Cartoon)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst with a Happy Ending, Gen, Inner Dialogue, One Shot, Self-Hatred, Steven Universe Needs Therapy</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-05-26</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-05-26</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-04 01:48:51</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>2,796</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/24382093</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Angel_Star/pseuds/Angel_Star</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>This is Steven's POV while he is in his monster form.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Steven Universe/Everyone</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>4</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>33</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>From A Monster's Perspective</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p><em>He </em>has had it.</p>
<p>He couldn't take it anymore.</p>
<p>He wasn't a hero, a savior of the galaxy, or even remotely good.</p>
<p>He was a burden to everyone.</p>
<p>He was a fraud...</p>
<p>A shatterer...</p>
<p> </p>
<p>A <strong>monster.</strong></p>
<p> </p>
<p>Pain. It was all he felt. Then came the rage that he was trying so desperately to hold back, and telling everyone that he was okay. That he was <strong>fine.</strong></p>
<p>He wasn't okay, however, and he certainly was not fine. He was growing in size at a tremendous rate...he had to leave.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>Away. Have to get away...</em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He exited the building in a hurry, crashing through the front of the entire house as he did so. He could hear voices calling out to him, but they started sounding unfamiliar, and so far away now.</p>
<p>His body had morphed and changed into an abomination with unfathomable power. A terrifying beast with horns protruding all over his body, that no one could ever love. He had grown so large now, that his footsteps reverberated all throughout Beach City.</p>
<p>He looked down at the quaint little city he once called home, and then let out a bloodcurdling scream that came out as more of a roar than anything else. He was in so much turmoil, so much pain, and so much confusion. Screaming felt like the best option.</p>
<p>He heard more voices from behind him, and thinking they were a possible threat, he roared at them as well, hoping that would get them all away from him. After all, who would ever want to be nice, or even help a terrible <strong>monster</strong> such as himself? No one of course.</p>
<p>Filled with unfiltered rage and torment, he turned around toward the cliff behind him, and bit the temple statue, causing large chunks of rock to fall to the ground.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>Away. Away! Just want to get away...</em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Trying to get a grasp on this new body of his, he stumbled, and put his whole body right on top of the cliff, then started clawing at the dirt beneath him. This caused even more rocks to fall to the ground, but he didn't care. All he wanted was to get away from everyone and everything. He wanted this pain to stop...</p>
<p>In his frustrations and agony, he then slammed his giant, monstrous fist at the top of the cliff, which created a massive crater in the ground.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>Why...WHY!!!?</em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He tried getting over the cliff, when suddenly, he was blinded by two hands going across his eyes. He let out another roar, and could only see darkness, which made him feel even more awful than he already did.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>GET OFF GET OFF GET OFF GET OFF!!!!</em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He launched another gigantic fist into the cliff, hoping to get his assailant off of him. When that didn't work, he ended up just slamming backwards into the cliff-side, thus, knocking the potential threat off of him. He wanted this pain he felt to end so badly. He knew no one loved him anymore, of course he was going to be attacked. He should have seen it coming at this point.</p>
<p>Speaking of attacks, he felt something grate against one of his horns, and seen them flying away from him. Fine. If he was going to get attacked, then he might as well put up a fight! He charged at his enemies with the intent to destroy them, but as soon as he jumped in the air after them, he felt something holding him back from doing so. Large, heavy chains made from the very water he was now standing in, were preventing him from moving any further. The water had even formed a giant whirlpool around him, keeping him in place.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>LET ME GO LET ME GO LET ME GO LET ME GO!!!!!</em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He let out an extremely loud scream, and tried breaking free, but he just couldn't shake the chains off of him. He tried, and tried, and tried, but it was useless at this point. <em>Maybe</em>...this constant pain is what he deserved after everything that he's done...A shatterer like him doesn't deserve <em>love and kindness</em> after all.</p>
<p>Before he could try and escape these wretched chains any further, a high-pitched voice rang out from above...</p>
<p>"YOO-HOO!!! STEVEN!!!"</p>
<p>Then another, more elegant, voice...</p>
<p>"Is this a bad time?"</p>
<p>He didn't find any of these voices familiar, at least, not anymore. He didn't care. All he wanted was to break free from these wretched chains, and get as far away from here as possible. He once again tried to free himself, but failed again.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>Have to get OUT!!!</em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He just couldn't break free. Maybe this was how he was always going to look, and always going to be. This was going to be his new life from now on, wasn't it. His mind started to spiral as he continued to struggle. Seconds felt like minutes, minutes felt like hours, hours felt like days as he tried to get himself free. In reality, it had only been a few minutes. He swore he could hear voices talking and saying...something, but he just didn't care. Everyone probably wanted him dead after all the things he has done. He was their enemy now.</p>
<p>Before he could continue to spiral further, a sudden blast of electricity had hit him right on his face.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>WHAT!!!?</em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The electricity, strangely enough, wasn't hurting him at all. In fact, it felt more tingly than anything. It then started to shrink his head from it's original size. He didn't like any of this one bit. The electricity then stopped as suddenly as it occurred, and he then rang out another booming scream. Through all the restraints and being attacked, what else could he do?</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>Have to. Need TO. WANT TO-</em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>A blue cloud then appeared suddenly in front of him, before his thoughts could finish. Thinking it was yet another attack coming at him, he roared it away back toward the one who sent it, not caring if it hit or missed them. He may have been restrained still, but that didn't mean he wasn't going to fight off these attackers with the strength he had left. He was basically like a cornered animal at this point...</p>
<p>After that had happened, another one of them started to walk up to him, while saying something that he wasn't paying attention to. They were probably coming to try and attack him just like the others had done. He watched this glimmering giant, with great suspicion, as she spoke in a seemingly, calming tone...</p>
<p>"Now, do you hear me Steven? Just relax, and let me in."</p>
<p><em>Then...</em>then the worst thing had happened next. Without knowing it, he was suddenly feeling like his mind was being broken into...just like....</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>NO!!!</em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He screamed again in protest, and fought whoever <strong>dare</strong> tried to get inside of his mind. He succeeded, while managing to throw the attacker off balance in the process. They were saying something else, but he didn't care, as that was the last straw. He wasn't going to take this anymore. He couldn't take being hit and restrained over and over <em>again anymore</em>...</p>
<p>His eyes and horns started to glow a bright, fiery, pink color. He's had it with the pain. He's had it with the confusion. And he's <strong>had</strong> it with these accursed restraints. He took in an extensive breath with the gathered energy he had, and then...</p>
<p>Let it out.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>NO MOOOOOOOOORE!!!!</em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The shockwave was enormous. Not only were the restraints finally off of him, but he had managed to knock down all of his attackers, and potential attackers. He even got to knock down the giant ship that some of them had came from. Though, he didn't notice it until now, nor did he care about it at all. He also didn't care when a rush of water had crashed onto him like he was a colossal rock, jutting out of the sea. He wasn't restrained anymore, and his assailants were all on the ground now. That was all he cared about. This fight was going to end soon enough...</p>
<p>He started making his way toward them all, wanting to give them all a taste of their own medicine. When he started getting closer to all of them, something large was starting to take form from behind him. He turned around, looked up, and saw a giant hand form out from the ocean itself. Before he even had time to blink, the hand had suddenly gripped onto his whole body, and was preventing him from moving forward. He screamed out in alarm again, as dark clouds started covering the skies above.</p>
<p>Of course he was going to have to fight off yet another attacker. This cycle was always going to be endless for him, wasn't it. After all, in the past, every moment he thought there would be just a shred of peace in his life, another problem would rear its' ugly head. Now that he was a literal <strong>monster</strong>, the cycle was going to be like in his past, but ten-fold. It would never end for him now. He was so tired, so <em>angry,</em> so sick of all the problems that continued to plague his life...and it usually all came back to what <strong>she</strong> had done in the past. He dealt with everyone's troubles, and everything awful up until this point. He sacrificed all he had just to try and solve every problem there was. Even if he sacrificed his own sanity to do so...</p>
<p> </p>
<p>At this moment he just wanted the trauma he had garnered over the years to go away.</p>
<p>He just wanted peace.</p>
<p>He just wanted this pain to stop.</p>
<p>He just wanted to be...loved.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He once again, tried to free himself from the giant hand's firm hold on him, but to no avail. He was stuck, and the more he was still being held, the more angrier he became. He screamed, and screamed, and screamed, but it didn't make the hand let go of him any less. He faintly heard voices speaking, but all he wanted was to. be. <strong>FREE...</strong></p>
<p> </p>
<p><strong>LET</strong> <strong>GO!!!</strong></p>
<p> </p>
<p>He wasn't going to ever let himself be restrained like this again anymore. He then began to fight back against this hand. He started grabbing it, and physically wrestled with it, and it did the same in return. This fighting continued for some time until he finally managed to grab it, let out a massive roar, and threw the hand down onto the ocean's surface, defeating it with ease.</p>
<p>The sun had begun showing itself through the clouds, though he didn't notice it, or even remotely care.</p>
<p>He was really enraged now, and started running full speed, toward his assailants. He wasn't going to be attacked, restrained, or pushed around anymore...</p>
<p>As he was running toward them, a blur of blue flew past him...</p>
<p>"Sorry, buddy! I need you to stay here!"</p>
<p>And summoned a huge wave of water onto him. He covered his face from the rush of water, and was getting even more enraged than before. Things seemed to be getting worse, and worse for him by the second, as his attackers had now recovered from the shockwave he sent out earlier.</p>
<p>He turned around as an abundance of voices called out to him, all of them running toward him, and all of them yelling the same thing...</p>
<p>"STEVEN!!!"</p>
<p>One of them had jumped up into the air, shouting the same thing.</p>
<p>"STEVEN!!!"</p>
<p>At first, this seemed like yet another attack coming right for him, and what confirmed the very thought even further, was the assailant gripping firmly onto him. Just like that giant hand had done before. He tried struggling himself free just like the other two times, but something different had happened this time, as he let out a distressed scream...</p>
<p>The "attacker" had spoke.</p>
<p>"Steven, when I fell apart, you were there for me. I want to be there for you now."</p>
<p>Wait...He recognized this voice...</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>G-Garnet...</em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>She spoke in such a gentle way as she was holding onto him, not in a restraining way, but in a loving embrace instead. Not at all what he had expected. The rage he felt inside himself had suddenly vanished as quickly as it came, and was replaced with utter confusion. Then a cacophony of emotions and thoughts all started to enter his mind after she had said that to him. Shouldn't she <em>be angry at him?</em></p>
<p>
  <em>After all, she should be hating and attacking him after the terrible things he had done, right? He was a literal </em>
  <strong>monster</strong>
  <em> right now, and she was hugging him instead? Why? A shatterer doesn't deserve love. A fraud doesn't deserve kindness. A </em>
  <strong>monster</strong>
  <em> like him, doesn't deserve forgiveness at all......right?</em>
</p>
<p>She spoke again with the same gentleness in her voice.</p>
<p>"I'm here Steven...I'm here..."</p>
<p>He now realized that even though he had attacked her, and the others who were a part of his family, that she wasn't angry, or even slightly irritated at him. She still loved him. She still cared about him. She still saw him as family....and he stood in total silence and disbelief as the two stood there on the ocean's surface together.</p>
<p>Then another voice from the air spoke out.</p>
<p>"Is this working? You hear us? Steven!"</p>
<p>He also recognized this voice.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>Lapis...</em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>She flew toward him, and instead of attacking him with water chains, she began to hug him as well. Lapis was being kind to him too....just like he was kind to her all those years ago. He then felt more hands embracing him, and not attacking him at all. He recognized them as well.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>The Diamonds...</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Spinel...</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Bismuth...</em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>They were all being so loving and forgiving of him, even though he tried to attack them all? He didn't deserve this at all...did he? Then again, these were the same people, the same Gems who he was nice to, and helped them change their ways in the past. It was almost ironic in a way.</p>
<p>He was getting hugged more and more, and started feeling his emotions swell with warmth, inside of him. Then, he heard someone he most definitely recognized...</p>
<p>"I'm here schtu-ball! Whatever you need, I'll make it happen! You hear me?"</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>Dad...</em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He was feeling the urge to cry more and more. Three voices then spoke out, one after the other. All of them were on the verge of tears...</p>
<p>"Steven! You never gave up on me for some reason I don't understand! I'll do the same for you!"</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>Peridot...</em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>"I know you feel bad! Believe me, I get it. Sometimes it feels like your never gonna like yourself, but it's possible man!"</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>Amethyst...</em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>"Steven! I know how awful it feels to keep a part of yourself secret! You shouldn't have to hide anything from me!"</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>Pearl...</em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>They all still cared about him, and even wanted to help him? The emotions he started feeling inside, were all beyond heart-warming. As he was feeling like this, the same hand that "attacked" him earlier, held his hand in support of him...even the giant hand he now recognized, also still cared about him.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>Cluster...</em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He couldn't believe this. This was all just a trap right? This was all a ruse...right? They didn't actually care about him at all...right?-</p>
<p>Before he knew it, a portal opened up in the air slightly away from him. He watched as a familiar pink lion jumped out of it, with an also familiar girl riding on his back.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>Lion and-</em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He didn't even have time to finish the thought, when the same girl then jumped off of the lion, and landed right onto his nose. She approached his scaly face, and put her hands on him. He looked at her with sorrow-filled eyes as she sighed, then spoke with understanding, and eyes that were welled up with tears...</p>
<p>"Steven. You must have been so afraid to show us this side of yourself, but we're not going anywhere. We're all going to take care of you the same way you take care of us. You know what? I don't have your powers, but..."</p>
<p>She sealed her consoling words...with a kiss.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>C-Connie...</em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>That did it.</p>
<p>The dam of tears he tried so hard to hold back, finally poured out from his giant eyes. His tears began to drip into the water beneath him, thus, turning it pink. The tears that were spilling from his face then began to glow, and everything started glowing white.</p>
<p>He now realized, he wasn't a fraud.</p>
<p>He wasn't terrible.</p>
<p>He wasn't awful or unforgivable.</p>
<p>He wasn't a burden.</p>
<p>He wasn't even a monster...</p>
<p>He...was <em>Steven Universe...</em></p>
<p> </p>
<p>And he was loved.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Woo! This is the first fanfiction I'm putting on this site! :O And it's Steven Universe related! :D I kept seeing people talk about how they wondered what Steven's perspective was like when he was in his monster form, and just rolled with it. :) Tell me what you all think in the comments, and have yourself a nice day! ^_^</p></blockquote></div></div>
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